“Spes et Lumina” (literally “Hope and Light” in Latin) is a website that contains experiences as well as a variety of issues revolving around my own professed difficulties in battling the “monsters”—temporal lobe epilepsy and bipolar disorder 2—unseen illnesses that pander on the mind’s weaknesses, eventually creeping and taking hold of a person’s entire faculties. The struggle is real everyday: I have the fidgets when the epilepsy begins to take foothold in me, then my mind races with a plethora of thoughts careless enough to shift every three to five minutes or so. All these I have to battle even in the midst of work, or even in my (almost futile) attempts of relaxation, or even while managing to read leisurely (supposedly to distract me from the ‘vacuous mental routines’ as I put it). In brief, I succumb to the everyday workings of nemeses that deign pull me down, so to speak, disorienting and railroading me against my own quests for survival.
For countless times have I decided to “go with the flow”, i.e., “check out early”; but for some reason, I am still alive and here. Of course, I desire not to be hypocritical in the realities of my plagues hence a budding advocacy in me to share to people what I go through during tough times. It is precisely because of all these that Animo Redemptio was born.
Currently I still am acquainted with periodic bouts of depression (and sometimes mania, all correlating to my bipolar state), and when tired, my occasional epileptic fits (I had the latest attack last 4th March, 2017). Good thing I have been prescribed the necessary medications to help me go through trying moments, despite all the difficulties entailed by such especially that of obesity and at times, some circumstances where other side effects (e.g., forgetfulness) take their toll. So, I am okay. I still consider myself okay. It is just that I want to tell myself that maybe, there will be more to such a mediocre platitude, and that it would be permanent.
Any way, I still dream of a life worth fighting for,